Wednesday, June 28, 2017

When life gives you lemons…

Well, it’s easier said than done when I tell myself “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”! It is hard to live in a stereotypical world where you constantly need to satisfy the rules laid out by the society and keep proving to the world that you are “normal”. Problem comes when you take the path less travelled by others or destiny puts you there even if you don’t wish so!

After years of rumbling within myself, I mustered some strength to write this. When will this society stop questioning and mocking women when they can’t bear a child? I have faced all sorts of questions when I attend weddings, social gatherings, temples, even at funerals if you can believe! Well they aren’t wrong because every one of your sibling, cousin, friend, the one who married many years after you, all have one or even two children. We missed the boat, train, flight, etc etc…rather waiting in our “timezone” for our “train “to come. Your peers will only have one topic to talk at this point in their age – their children. How long will you run away from them?

To answer everyone “No it’s not a “Choice” we consciously make, atleast not in a typical Indian society where most women would like to have children. And we are well aware that there is something called “ovulation kit” – we have crossed 10 levels of fertility aids and treatments on top of that. And we are also well aware that there is an option called “adoption” and the age limit involved. In our view it is not we doing a “favour” by adopting a child, but we adopt primarily for our own selfish reason. And we won’t shy away from it if that’s the final destination

It’s extremely disheartening that all these questions are mostly being poked by women who feel they have “achieved” in their life. I really wonder what is there to take credit for except the labour pain borne. Women just be thankful that you are not “the chosen one”! Everything else is Mother Nature’s hand where even the doctor has absolutely no control. I have been told that I am apparently having serious “kolaru” by a woman. Well they don’t open fertility clinics in every street if all women in today’s world are fertile and I m the only chosen one.

It’s shocking for our society as our grandparents had many children effortlessly and the fertility rate is getting dropped drastically in the recent days. I have been pretty much active as far as I can imagine, was never obese or had junk food neither in my village while growing up nor now, which are the common reasons cited for infertility. Please understand that there are things out of one’s control and we still don’t know how this infertility cropped in. I sincerely don’t like to be on that place.

While I appreciate that everybody wants to help us by giving their two cents - be it visiting a temple, doing any sort of prayer or ritual, visiting xyz doctor or undergoing some fertility treatment. We have been there and done all that we could like a mad cow knocking every possible door that we can. I am not being arrogant here declaring that we know everything but at this point we just like to be left alone or hear some positive words which give us some hope in life to look up to. I m simply dying in guilt that our family legacy stops because of me and I offered to kill myself with the millions of injections and the possible ill effects like ovarian cancer that the medicine can throw. But all the society wants to question is “you spent so many lakhs on these treatment”. Apparently not a soul cares about my health or the mental suffering I undergo.

After 8 yrs of struggling to conceive and finally seeing success, but the joy was suddenly taken away by a pre term labour in six months, sucking out all the love and hope from your life, pushing your hopes and dreams into a bottomless pit… put yourself in my shoes; you will feel you don’t want to be there even in your wildest dreams.

Society is so cruel that they do not give you even time to heal. I call up a friend to join back work after the miscarriage and he tells me “ah sorry to hear but why don’t you adopt?”  Boss I just got over the worst trauma a woman can have. Please be merciful. Will you ask your wife the same question had she been in my place?

No it’s not like adopting another puppy when one puppy dies.

  • Don’t tell me eating “pomegranate” everyday is irritating!
  • Don’t tell me labour is pain. There are millions of women yearning to undergo that. I have gone through it already, only to see two dead babies being carried in front of my eyes. Trust me its insurmountable mental agony than the physical labour!
  • Don’t get jealous on me that I have a job and you need to manage your child. Would you like to switch places? I would happily do so if destiny gives me a choice!
  • I did work from home when I was pregnant. People were jealous even for that. Well folks, lie down on bed or get locked up in house for just two weeks. You will know that it’s not something you will enjoy. It’s not a choice I had; it was only a medical requirement and not a favour done to me.
  • Don’t tell me that millions of women like you undergo fertility treatments. My question is have you undergone? Then how would you understand the pain and side effect it involves
  • Don’t advise us to simply adopt rather than going through this pain. Imagine your world without your children. Will you simply adopt? It’s always easy to make a decision for others but not for yourself.

No I did not write this in depression, I just want the friends reading this post to understand that folks like me just need to be left alone and try our best to have a biological child and enjoy the pleasure of motherhood before we adopt. We are well aware of our age limit and we will make the choice if that’s the last resort.

Be on my seat .Feel the fire, frustration, pain, agony what not…

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Beautiful holiday times...

I was watching a television talk show where people were arguing what kind of life is better- a slow & steady one or a fast & active one? The topic got so digressed that people got into a word play between laziness,patience,haste and carelessness rather than talking about the need of urgency vs. steadiness. Finally it turned out into a question of who enjoys life? Being slow does not mean that he/she enjoys doing it; nor a fast person means he does not enjoy his work. After all we do all these to enjoy life, aint we?

A winter morning is always beautiful, peace and calm. Cuddling under the quilt and snoozing the alarm every 10 mins, getting up in sunlight, sipping an aromatic Nescafe which sure is 'the Taste that gets you started up; the Taste that gets you going on' wow...If you are a fan of Carnatic music, MS Subbulakshmi's melancholious suprabatham will sure brighten up your day. This reminds me of my childhood holidays in the month of Marghazhi (December) which is a winter, getting awakened by the aroma of Pongal which mom cooks,running in curiousity to look at her beautiful and geometrically proportioned Rangoli (when measured will be a perfect symmetry), listening to bhajans in the temple and arguing with mom that my late morning bath should not be a breakfast stopper/delayer...sweet calls  of cuckoos, moo moos of calves, dad's pooja bells, divine smell of incense sticks, visiting Ganesh ji 's temple by the side of rippling should be there to enjoy it!

Like Thanksgiving,Christmas and New Year, beginning of Marghazi is the official start of Tamil festival season. Our village carnival starts with Cart festival (Therottam) which is a trade season with all kinds of sweet stalls, balloons, music & lights, sugarcane juice, merry-go rounds & giant wheels, bangles and other jewellery, melodious music concerts... the big temple has about 20-30 popular deities who are brought out of their sanctum for a village tour during those 10 days of festival. The deities are taken out in chariots with beautiful flower arrangements which not only please the eyes but also attracts by the fragrance.

After the 10 days of carnival, comes Pongal, which is a Thanksgiving of Tamil people where they thank God and request his blessings for the harvest season which is coming ahead. Family get togethers, everyday pooja, variety of food...hmm I miss them!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Bush's day out

Apparently Bush ji is enjoying his post-white house days with Barney, his pet!
Anyone who passes by Dallas can never control their sense of Aw on looking at the turnpikes, spaghetti bridges , interstates and infrastructure implemented by him!

Monday, September 21, 2009

ஏனோ ஏனோ பனித்துளி பனித்துளி

ஹும்ம்...நீண்ட நாட்களாக தமிழில் ஒரு கட்டுரையாவது எழுத வேண்டுமென்று ஆசை. ஆனால் என்ன எழுதுவது? தெரியவில்லை! சொந்தமாக எழுத முடியவில்லை என்றாலும் மனதிற்கு பிடித்த எதையாவது இன்று எழுதிவிட வேண்டுமென்ற முடிவோடு யோசித்த பொழுது, வெளிவர இருக்கும் ஆதவன் படத்திலுள்ள "ஏனோ ஏனோ பனித்துளி" பாடல் நினைவுக்கு வர, அதன் வரிகளையே எழுதி விடலாமென்று தோன்றியது. ஹாரிஸ் ஜெயராஜின் அருமையான கிதார் இசையும், ஷகில், சுதா ரகுநாதன், ஆண்ட்ரியாவின் குரல் இனிமையும் பாடலை மீண்டும் மீண்டும் கேட்கத் தூண்டுகிறது. காரில் பயணம் செய்யும்போது கண்டிப்பாக கேட்க வேண்டிய ஒரு பாடல். தாமரையின் வரிகளோ பாடலை முணு முணுக்க வைக்கின்றன. கே எஸ் ரவிக்குமார் நமக்கு ஏமாற்றத்தை தராமல், பாடலை நல்லவிதமாக படமாக்கி இருப்பார்  என்று நினைக்கிறேன். எனக்கு ஒரே ஒரு சிறிய குறை. ஆண்ட்ரியா  "பநிதுலி,  வெலி வாராய்,என்னை தல்ல, என்னி என்னி" என்று
 பாடாமல் நாவை சிறிது திருத்தி பாடி, வரிகளுக்கு மெருகு ஊட்டி இருக்கலாமோ என்று சிறிய எண்ணம்.சரி இதோ அந்த அருமை வரிகளும் இசையும்!

Download: Eno eno panithuli

ஏனோ ஏனோ பனித்துளி பனித்துளி பெண் மேலே
தேனோ பாலோ எரியுது எரியுது தீ போலே
மேலும் உள்ளம் உருகுது உருகுது தன்னாலே
கண்கள் பார்க்கும் போது நெஞ்சுக்குள்ளே
போனாய் நீ போனாய் என் நெஞ்சம் என்ன மெத்தை தானா
கூறாய் நீ கூறாய் உனை பூட்டிக்கொண்டாயே
வாராய் வெளி வாராய் இனி என்னை விட்டு எங்கும் செல்ல மாட்டாய்- மாட்டாய் மாட்டாயே...

மௌனம் என்னும் சாட்டை வீசி என்னை கீறாதே
மாலைத் தென்றல் பட்டால்கூட காயம் ஆறாதே
அக்கம் பக்கம் யாரும் இல்லை வா என் பக்கம்
தேடல் கொஞ்சம் ஊடல் கொஞ்சம் நீ யார் பக்கம்
ஏதோ ஒன்று என்னை தள்ள நதிகளின் ஓரம் நாணல் போலே சாய்ந்தேன்
உன்னை மட்டும் எண்ணி எண்ணி நிலவைப்போல் நீ இல்லாமல் தேய்ந்தேன்

ஏனோ ஏனோ பனித்துளி பனித்துளி ...

நானும் நீயும் பேசும்போது தென்றல் வந்ததே
பேசிப்போட்ட வார்த்தை எல்லாம் அள்ளிச் சென்றதே
சேலை ஒன்றும் மாலை ஒன்றும் வாங்கி வந்தாயா
சேதி நல்ல சேதி சொன்னால் வேண்டம் என்பாயா?
ஓஹோ ஓஹோ ஓஹோ ஓஹோ திரும்பிய பக்கம் எல்லாம் நீதான் நின்றாய்
காற்றைப் போலே தொட்டுத் தொட்டு தினசரி வாழ்வில் மாற்றம் நீதான் செய்தாய்         

ஏனோ ஏனோ பனித்துளி பனித்துளி...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


'Health is wealth' saying has gained more relevance in the recent decades. While the cost of healthcare sky rockets adding to the worldover economic crisis, new pandemics like swine flu pose a serious challenge to all countries. Unlike well developed countries, developing countries have not linked the basic medical facilities to insurance. It is a great relief because basic healthcare is still in the affordable limit in developing countries. The medical system in developed countries has grown up so much that it has become so complicated and sophisticated with lots of regulations with reforms being added on a frequent basis. There is more of commercialisation than benefaction.
Let us consider a hypothetical scenario where a person catches fever. He does not know if it is common flu or swine flu or any other epidemic. He cannot walkin to a physician for a cure.
1.Get an appointment with a doctor which takes a minimum of one week wait.
2.Or go for an emergency which gobbles big money provided you have an insurance.
3.After getting a doctor's appointment, get all the insurance formalities done. Dont have an insurance card? No consultantion or prescription.
4.After consultation, all the tests required are routed through insurance. Even if you have money, no use.
After the treatment/test, claims are submitted to insurance companies who reject most claims. So there is a need for a lawyer to fight for claims! No money for paying an attorney? Then no recovery of claims and hence no further treatment.By the time all these processes are done, either the patient dies or loses trust in the medical system. Movies like 'The Rainmaker', portray this situation beautifully. And so the health care industry has become the bread and butter to many other professions viz. law firms,insurance, etc apart from the pharmacists.
It is not clear why there should be so much hierarchy and systems for a basic medical treatment. There can be a simple walkin for consultation and easy card payment if a person suffers any common ailment. If the treatment involves serious medication,operation or sophisticated treatments, insurance can be brought it.Otherwise the system does not require such complexities. Any measure by the government to streamline or simplify the process either do not reach or benefit the common man in the way it is expected to. May be because it does not have one common motive of serving people but has hidden agendas.
A survey in Aug 2009 by CBS says that most Americans do not understand the healthcare reforms announced. The poll quotes " Two in three Americans call the health care reforms being debated by lawmakers confusing".
The more developed a country is, the more complicated their systems are. Now that all services are being commercialised-education,healthcare,etc, very soon the term 'non-profitable organization' will disappear from the corporate dictionary.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Nail Art

Nails are no more layers of keratin but tools of expression. Designers and fashion gurus are using nails to articulate their mood, fantasyand imagination. Creativity, which was once expressed on clothes,shoes,accessories gradually moved from material to man in the form of tatoos and body piercing. Today it has become more sophisticated and has reached new arenas like nail art.

Nail art originated 5000 years ago in India as a form of manicure. A herb called henna was used by Indian women to decorate hands and nails which also had a soothing effect. Tatooing is also believed to have originated from henna which is also known as mehendi art. Nail care which started with manicure therapy like hand massage,nail filing ,polishing,painting slowly moved towards nail sculpture where nails were carved into different shapes. Gradually it developed into nail art with the emergence of acrylics, shimmers, nail piercing,rhinestones,etc.

Organized nail art however started with French Revlon in 1932 which introduced pigments became widely popular along with the French manicure.Nail industry uses about 10,000 chemicals for manufacturing various decorative nail products including fish scales, pearl essence,gels,glitters,rhinestones apart from hundreds of brushes including airbrushes which spray paint . Nail art has become more sophisticated like any other industry and has emerged as a serious profession to lot many designers. Digital nail art for instance, allows you to print any picture of your wish on your nail. Nanotechnology is used to build nail plates from inside out. Acrylic nails are preffered to natural nails for designing because of the sustainability and flexibility.

The recent interesting embellishment to nail art - fimo frootsies, which are polyvinyl chloride polymer clay drilled,sliced, cut,painted and made into beads/different shapes used to decorate nails.

Nail art-collage

While the traditional art emanated from India, Japan is believed to be the mother of modern nail art. Designer nail art market in Japan was estimated to be worth $2.2 billion in 2008. Nail art festival, which happens annually in Osaka is a stage for thematic innovative nail designs like 3D art.

The United States which covers the majority of world nail art market employs about 15000 employees, about 43% of them being Vietnamese.The size of US nail art market is about $20 bn and has more than 5000 professional establishments.A nail salon normally charges a minimum of $15 per treatment, provides an earning potential of $2000-$4000 to every nail artist employed there.

While the whole world is submerged in recession, nail art industry seems recession proof. With 160 million visits to spas and salons, the industry has grown 18% from the previous year. Women, surely are pleased by this wonder art and are a major force behind this creativity's flourishment. With advance technology being brought into this market, nail art is expected to become further more convoluted and pull in more market!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Kill boredom

"Necessity is the mother of invention" - so goes a saying. Must be true or else the world would not have got so many wonderful inventions. Internet is one such invention which not only kills boredom but also provides a sea of opportunities to learn,earn,network...
When pushed into a sea of boredom, many of us try to explore ways to get out of it. Volunteering, reading, music, gaming, etc etc. Or some of us might end up in internet networking sites. Networking sites are available today in different forms - social networks like orkut, myspace, facebook, professional networks like linkedin, other sites like Shelfari where people share their hobbies, sites like twitter where you let people know what you are upto. Then we slowly move on exploring other arenas. Some hit up with Swagbucks; an upcoming search engine which rewards for your searches. Interesting! With 50,000 fans in facebook, 20000 followers in twitter and much more, the engine is progressing everyday. There are also lot many sites like irazoo which are equally good in rewarding searches.
Another field which pays is online surveys. There are lot of sites like surveyhead, greenfield online,etc which pay for the surveys we take or for clicking the ads displayed on the sites. These rewards may be peanuts but something is always better than if you have lot of free time, just give a try .